I always think how about selling my house in Oslo and buying a house in nearby areas which are conveniently connected with Oslo and offers quality amenities/housing as well. Recently, I found one article which helped in my search. With little bit of effort, I manage to get all in one place for the sake of simplicity ....
Here I share the moments that enriched my knowledge, improved my learning process or experiences and make me relish different aspects of life...
My pages
Who am I ..
I don't like you because 'WHAT' ?
Human behavior seems to be complicated, specially when it comes to liking and disliking others.We get along with some people and at times we don’t get along with some people because of one or the other reason.Fundamentally it is found that our behavior comprised of one or more DISC properties. Never analyzed DISC in so depth so cant comment much on it but still I wanted to categorize some very common situations between 2 people to understand it better:
eg.
A- Me
B- Other person(important to me)
C- third person
I experienced that A does not like B because :
Case 1- A has violated something universally accepted principle or philosophy. eg. A is abusive or swindler.
So I should not like a person who is 'universally' on wrong side... in this way, Am I helping him or society ?
Case 2- B is doing the things which A thinks 'B should/must NOT be doing'.
So in other word I want the world to behave the way 'I want'... am I narcissist ?
Case 3- C doesn't like B so over the time A starts disliking B.
So in other words,I am so weak that I can't have my own belief system... am I meek ?
Case 4- If B doesn't like A then it does not matter if A likes B or not.
So in other words,I am insignificant for other person and just have 1-directional relationship... am I wasting my time?
I guess before liking and disliking a person, we should always get an answer to following question :
"do I value the differences other person has and do I seek to understand it well ?" and if the answer to both is 'Yes' then most probably , we are on right side.
How many Indians are in Norway ?
"So how many Indians are in Norway?" has asked me today. This was the same question that was thrown at me few days back but I did not have the correct answer so I thought that I would get the exact figure today and now I have the number(at least for a year ) . As on 1-jan-2015, Norwegian govt's statistical department website(www.ssb.no) says that there are 18568 Indian immigrants in Norway and this includes following :
- Born in Norway to Norwegian-born parents
- Immigrants
- Norwegian-born to immigrant parents
- Foreign-born with one Norwegian-born parent
- Norwegian-born with one foreign-born parent
- Foreign-born to Norwegian-born parents
So it means it includes both NRIs+OCI/PIOs.
Can we do so many things and so good ....here is example :)
In today's hectic life , it is not possible to do the things one by one. Many time when I have involved myself with multiple assignments and could not justice with some of them then I always think how could other people do the same in similar situation. In the situation like these quote like following helps and motivates to be on right track and be focused ...
Opportunity ...
Richard B. has always inspires and fascinates me with everything that he does in his life because he has a belief in himself
and he uses HIS CONVICTION and grab the opportunity and then uses HIS SKILLS to make sure
that HIS CONVICTION become reality for others....
I know this is not the traditional management style of doing things ...not every success is pre-defined :) .
Sardarji Barah Baj Gaye
I proud that Sardars are part of Indian diaspora. They are doing great job in promoting the honesty, loyality , integrity and patriotism. No surprise that their social integration in Norway is seamles....... but but ...Still many times we joke about the Sardars even without knowing how great this community is ......so here is the myth buster....
For the sake of whom he had sacrificed his life, none of them came forward to lift his body, fearing that they would also be assassinated. Seeing this incident our 10th Guruji, Sri Guru Gobind Singhji (Son of Guru Teg Bahadarji) founder of khalsa made a resolution that he would convert his followers to such human beings who would not be able to hide themselves and could be easily located in thousands. At the start, the Sikhs were very few in numbers as they were fighting against the Mughal emperors. At that time, Nadir Shah raided Delhi in the year 1739 and looted Hindustan and was carrying lot of Hindustan treasures and nearly 2200 Hindu women along with him. The news spread like a fire and was heard by Sardar Jassa Singh who was the Commander of the Sikh army at that time. He decided to attack Nadir Shah's Kafila on the same midnight. He did so and rescued all the Hindu women and they were safely sent to their homes. It didn't happen only once but thereafter whenever any Abdaalis or Iranis had attacked and looted Hindustan and were trying to carry the treasures and Hindu women along with them for selling them in Abdal markets, the Sikh army although fewer in numbers but were brave hearted and attacked them at midnight, 12 O'clock and rescued women. After that time when there occurred a similar incidence, people started to contact the Sikh army for their help and Sikhs used to attack the raider's at Midnight, 12 O'clock. Nowadays, these "smart people" and some Sikh enemies who are afraid of Sikhs, have spread these words that at 12 O'clock, the Sikhs go out of their senses. This historic fact was the reason why some Sardar smiles over that person as he thinks that his Mother/Sister would be in trouble and wants sardar's help and is reminding him by saying off 'Sardarji Barah Baj Gaye'.
During 17th Century, when Hindustan was ruled by Mughals, all the Hindu people were humiliated and were treated like animals. Mughals treated the Hindu women as there own property and were forcing all Hindus to accept Islam and even used to kill the people if they were refusing to accept.That time, our ninth Guru, Sri Guru Teg Bahadarji came forward, in response to a request of some Kashmir Pandits to fight against all these cruel activities.
Guruji told the Mughal emperor that if he could succeed in converting him to Islam, all the Hindus would accept the same. But, if he failed, he should stop all those activities. The Mughal emperor happily agreed to that but even after lots of torture to Guruji and his fellow members he failed to convert him to Islam and Guruji along with his other four fellow members, were tortured and sacrificed their lives in Chandni Chowk. Since the Mughals were unable to convert them to Islam they were assassinated.
Thus Guruji sacrificed his life for the protection of Hindu religion.
Can anybody lay down his life and that too for the protection of another religion?
This is the reason he is still remembered as "Hind Ki Chaddar", shield of India.
For the sake of whom he had sacrificed his life, none of them came forward to lift his body, fearing that they would also be assassinated. Seeing this incident our 10th Guruji, Sri Guru Gobind Singhji (Son of Guru Teg Bahadarji) founder of khalsa made a resolution that he would convert his followers to such human beings who would not be able to hide themselves and could be easily located in thousands. At the start, the Sikhs were very few in numbers as they were fighting against the Mughal emperors. At that time, Nadir Shah raided Delhi in the year 1739 and looted Hindustan and was carrying lot of Hindustan treasures and nearly 2200 Hindu women along with him. The news spread like a fire and was heard by Sardar Jassa Singh who was the Commander of the Sikh army at that time. He decided to attack Nadir Shah's Kafila on the same midnight. He did so and rescued all the Hindu women and they were safely sent to their homes. It didn't happen only once but thereafter whenever any Abdaalis or Iranis had attacked and looted Hindustan and were trying to carry the treasures and Hindu women along with them for selling them in Abdal markets, the Sikh army although fewer in numbers but were brave hearted and attacked them at midnight, 12 O'clock and rescued women. After that time when there occurred a similar incidence, people started to contact the Sikh army for their help and Sikhs used to attack the raider's at Midnight, 12 O'clock. Nowadays, these "smart people" and some Sikh enemies who are afraid of Sikhs, have spread these words that at 12 O'clock, the Sikhs go out of their senses. This historic fact was the reason why some Sardar smiles over that person as he thinks that his Mother/Sister would be in trouble and wants sardar's help and is reminding him by saying off 'Sardarji Barah Baj Gaye'.
Building relationship for life with your partner ....
Being a science student and guy with dominant left-brain, I always look for the guidelines, rules, phenomenon that explain the human behavior or guide us to understand it. I am pretty sure that there is no universal guidelines for it still 'Heart is Heart' and so sometimes I think if :
- I really like somebody or not ?
- I am good for other person ?
- Other person is good for me ?
- we are good for each-other ?
or simply why I am not good for him/her ?
or what should I do to make things better between us `?
Though I understand that answers to above questions varies from people to people and situation to situation so obviously this discussion might be 'odd' but some points in my opinion are quite common and play vital role in building new relationship or understanding the reason of failure in previous/current one. So here are my 10 findings until now .......
1. If you can not see how the life of your future partner will be changed for good then don't make him/her partner.Both of partner must have this feeling for a good start and also understand other's perspective beforehand.
2. If you can not see that you have desire to listen/talk to your partner now then don't expect it to fire-up suddenly once you will be together in future.So don't let this feeling of 'don't care' ever house in your heart for the people you will be caring about.
3. If you get angry with your future partner and don't have feeling which says that you should talk to him/her then this feeling will be even stronger after you come together so beware of this sign !! Come forward with a positive attitude to solve it for good.
4. Both the partner needs to understand what they must offer to the relationship so that bond of relationship will be stronger. Lack/absence of such offerings will make things difficult in future relationship.
5. Finding a common interest is equally important in cementing a relationship because it brings both the partner to come together not just because of each other and also give them a chance to forget some things for good.
6. Both the partner needs to gain some knowledge about each-other's work/profession/skills.It helps in understanding how your partner is feeling/doing in is non-family life and so other partner can make things relaxing if not better(when desired) and can add value to partner's life.
7. Partners should not make him/her husband/wife because he/she wants it,it MUST ALWAYS be mutual to survive longer.One person can drag the things but how long ... we all have limits !!
8. Role of common 3rd person becomes very important in life. If both partner have some other person who can listen to them fairly then it is boon for relationship as this angel/adviser/guide will always work for both of them.Siblings/frnds plays very vital role in this.
9. Both the partner must understand that Winning of one and loosing of another is not good after they become ONE.'You are wrong or I am right' both are not good.So always work towards loosing or winning TOGETHER NOT ALONE.
10.Both the tentative partners should invest time in courtship/dating in-person and/or remotely. In this way they gain answers/insight to above points for good.
- I really like somebody or not ?
- I am good for other person ?
- Other person is good for me ?
- we are good for each-other ?
or simply why I am not good for him/her ?
or what should I do to make things better between us `?
Though I understand that answers to above questions varies from people to people and situation to situation so obviously this discussion might be 'odd' but some points in my opinion are quite common and play vital role in building new relationship or understanding the reason of failure in previous/current one. So here are my 10 findings until now .......
1. If you can not see how the life of your future partner will be changed for good then don't make him/her partner.Both of partner must have this feeling for a good start and also understand other's perspective beforehand.
2. If you can not see that you have desire to listen/talk to your partner now then don't expect it to fire-up suddenly once you will be together in future.So don't let this feeling of 'don't care' ever house in your heart for the people you will be caring about.
3. If you get angry with your future partner and don't have feeling which says that you should talk to him/her then this feeling will be even stronger after you come together so beware of this sign !! Come forward with a positive attitude to solve it for good.
4. Both the partner needs to understand what they must offer to the relationship so that bond of relationship will be stronger. Lack/absence of such offerings will make things difficult in future relationship.
5. Finding a common interest is equally important in cementing a relationship because it brings both the partner to come together not just because of each other and also give them a chance to forget some things for good.
6. Both the partner needs to gain some knowledge about each-other's work/profession/skills.It helps in understanding how your partner is feeling/doing in is non-family life and so other partner can make things relaxing if not better(when desired) and can add value to partner's life.
7. Partners should not make him/her husband/wife because he/she wants it,it MUST ALWAYS be mutual to survive longer.One person can drag the things but how long ... we all have limits !!
8. Role of common 3rd person becomes very important in life. If both partner have some other person who can listen to them fairly then it is boon for relationship as this angel/adviser/guide will always work for both of them.Siblings/frnds plays very vital role in this.
9. Both the partner must understand that Winning of one and loosing of another is not good after they become ONE.'You are wrong or I am right' both are not good.So always work towards loosing or winning TOGETHER NOT ALONE.
10.Both the tentative partners should invest time in courtship/dating in-person and/or remotely. In this way they gain answers/insight to above points for good.
Dilemma for an Indian - Norway or US ?
I was talking to a friend of mine who is working in Big Research firm in India and got the opportunity to do Phd in Norway. He was excited and could not want more from God. But God is God :) and so last week he told me that he got another offer from US....................And this added a great bit of thought-grinding in him and his family.... A friend in need is friend indeed ...so he bombarded me with some typical questions..... and so happily found out following :
------------->Norway: $34,791/year/person
------------->USA : $40,240/year/person
Taxes :
------------->Norway : $32,000/year/person
------------->USA : $8,000/year/person
But where does this does money goes :) ....
------------->USA: 33%
And also look at the Education expenditure :
------------->Norway: 11%
------------->USA: 2%
Another aspect on which Indian(and others) want clarification is job related so here are some more info..
- In Norway, it is quite difficult for an employer to fire an employee after the initial 3 month trial period. It is also uncommon for employees to be fired for under performing. Compared with the US, this is quite a novel concept. In the States, employees can be fired with almost zero notice, although 2 weeks is common notice.
- And the BIGGEST DIFFERENCE IS Work/life balance and now I am not comparing just US and Norway but Norway and rest of the world.
In US/India, people feel like life is work or work is life but in Norway, the attitude is - 'people
work to live'. So what is so different? ....typical regular work hours in Norway are very relaxing though
standard business hours are from 8AM to 4PM but you will find people coming earlier then 8 and leaving before 4PM. In fact in many offices they have officially declared that office-calling time is until 3 PM.
But it does not mean people don't give importance to work... yes they do in fact Norwegians are extremely efficient and task-oriented at work and when the working day ends, they are on to more important things such as family or sports or just relaxing at home(with some good book).Though not everybody is having family life but when they have family then family takes a huge priority even at work and that is why people after dropping kids to school/kindergarten, quickly reaches office early and then leave work early to pick their kids up from school or take them to sports practice.
Hope it helps Avnish a bit to decide ..... :)
Earning and Taxes :
Income :------------->Norway: $34,791/year/person
------------->USA : $40,240/year/person
Taxes :
------------->Norway : $32,000/year/person
------------->USA : $8,000/year/person
But where does this does money goes :) ....
Lets look at the social security expenditure of both the countries :
------------->Norway: 40%------------->USA: 33%
And also look at the Education expenditure :
------------->Norway: 11%
------------->USA: 2%
Another aspect on which Indian(and others) want clarification is job related so here are some more info..
- In Norway, it is quite difficult for an employer to fire an employee after the initial 3 month trial period. It is also uncommon for employees to be fired for under performing. Compared with the US, this is quite a novel concept. In the States, employees can be fired with almost zero notice, although 2 weeks is common notice.
- And the BIGGEST DIFFERENCE IS Work/life balance and now I am not comparing just US and Norway but Norway and rest of the world.
In US/India, people feel like life is work or work is life but in Norway, the attitude is - 'people
work to live'. So what is so different? ....typical regular work hours in Norway are very relaxing though
standard business hours are from 8AM to 4PM but you will find people coming earlier then 8 and leaving before 4PM. In fact in many offices they have officially declared that office-calling time is until 3 PM.
But it does not mean people don't give importance to work... yes they do in fact Norwegians are extremely efficient and task-oriented at work and when the working day ends, they are on to more important things such as family or sports or just relaxing at home(with some good book).Though not everybody is having family life but when they have family then family takes a huge priority even at work and that is why people after dropping kids to school/kindergarten, quickly reaches office early and then leave work early to pick their kids up from school or take them to sports practice.
In India vegetable Vendor Builds Hospital for Poor
AFTER losing her beloved husband due to medical negligence four decades ago, Subhashini Mistry, then 23, made an oath wailing over the lifeless body of her partner that fateful day: “No one should suffer my fate.”
The untimely death of her agricultural labourer husband gave birth to the idea of building a hospital for the poor by the poor in the village of Haspukur, situated on the outskirts of Kolkata in West Bengal. But this was not the time to indulge in her dream as she had four hungry children — the eldest being eight years old and the youngest all of two — to feed.But all she knew was household chores, so she started working as a domestic help in nearby houses. “I have worked as an agricultural labourer, a maid and even polished shoes,” recalls the 69-year-old.
But even during the darkest period of her life, she was farsighted enough to send her younger son Ajoy to an orphanage in Kolkata so that he got a better education than she could provide. Her other children, remained at home, either helping her with housework or working in tea stalls. She could ill-afford putting them through school.Soon she discovered that selling vegetables could fetch more money than working as domestic help. So she moved to Dhapa village and started selling vegetables there. Once she got a hang of the business, Subhashini started selling vegetables in the bustling Park Circus market in central Kolkata.
As her income increased, she started doing a little bit of savings. For 20 long years, she spent nothing on herself or her family, except for the educational expenses of Ajoy, who she identified to carry on her mission.Never disappointing his mother, Ajoy successfully completed his secondary education and then went on to clear the All India Medical Entrance test. Aided by a German scholarship, he joined Calcutta Medical College where he completed his medical course.
In 1992, Subhashini bought an acre of land in her husband’s village, Hanspukur, with her live savings of Rs 100,000. “When I got to know the landlord for whom my husband used to work was selling the plot. I fell on his feet and requested him give me the plot at a lesser amount. Babu was kind enough to oblige to my request,” said an emotional Subhashini.Soon after the buying the plot, Subhashini moved back to her husband’s village and told her neighbors that she was willing to donate her one acre land for the hospital. Villagers would have to donate money to build a thatched shed that could serve as a dispensary for the poor.
“While some villagers contributed in kind – providing bamboos, palm leaves, truckloads of earth, wooden planks, some offered their labour. Thus, a 20X20-foot temporary shed of Humanity Hospital came into being in 1993. Every member of the society contributed to the cause. It wouldn’t have been possible without their help,” she said.
The clay-tiled hut from where the Humanity Hospital started functioning out in 1993. (Below) A three-story building was inaugurated in December last year in the Sunderbans, around 300 km away from its main three-story building in Haspukur in Kolkata.
In 1995 the Governor of West Bengal laid the foundation stone to the hospital. After clearing infrastructural hurdles, the mother-son duo went about the town requesting doctors to spare some time from their busy schedule for their clinic. Their appeal went down well the medical fraternity and soon the thatched dispensary had six visiting doctors – a general physician, paediatrician, orthopaedic, ophthalmologist and a homeopath.Each one of them offered free service at least once a week. On the very first day, the Humanity Hospital treated as many as 252 patients. The facility hasn’t looked back since.
Subhashini knocked on the doors of the local politicians and influential people to raise funds for their cause. A group of trustees – including doctors, eminent local citizens and serving IPS officers guided the hospital, which has now expanded to include gynaecology, cardiology, ENT, urology, oncology, diabetology and surgery. They now have 3 acres of land and the hospital has expanded to 9,000 sq feet spread over two floors.
Through all this growth, Subhashini was clear about her goal. “This is a hospital for the poor. This is not a business. Yet, we knew that the hospital had to be self-sufficient. It cannot survive forever on donations,” she said.So while the poor got free treatment, those who lived above poverty line had to pay a minimal consultation fee. Still, this is not sufficient to cover the day to day expense of running a hospital. “There is a perpetual shortage of funds. We live from month to month. Thankfully we got some funds from donors of Satyamev Jayate and Reliance Foundation. But we haven’t got any funds from the government,” Dr Ajoy Mistry said.
So how did Subhashini achieve all this? “Inner Strength,” she says, “God in his infinite grace gave me a vision at the darkest moment in my life. From then on, my life had a purpose. I used whatever strength God gave me to make sure other poor people did not lose their loved ones for lack of medical attention.”Now her elder daughter and son, who used to sell vegetables, also help in running the hospital. After Ajoy become a doctor, he inspired the youngest sister to become a nurse who also serves at the hospital.
Currently, the Humanity Hospital has 13 different departments, catering to thousands of patients. “We offer a range of medical services from medicinal treatments to surgical cases both open and laparoscopic. We have a total no. of 45 beds, including 10 ICUs, available. Out of the total, 25 are completely free. We have both Indoor and Outdoor departments where 19 visiting doctors and several resident doctors provide round-the-clock service. We take care of variety of patients with wide range of need from simple medicinal treatment to different surgical cases with the help of specialist doctors at Humanity Hospital, Hanspukur. Thousands of patients every year through indoor, outdoor, mobile clinic as well as referral cases are getting the benefits from this hospital. We have also started a branch of our hospital in Sunderbans area,” said Dr Ajoy.Apart from routine hospital services, the hospital also provides free medical and cancer detection camps in different parts of the state where there is little or no medical facility. “We offer free-of-cost medicines, health advice and, in cases where hospitalization is needed, we offer free treatment through our Hospital centers,” said Subhashini.
Life has come full-circle for Subhashini. With Ajoy at the helm of affairs, she now spends most of her time tending to the sick or playing with her grandchildren. Though she looks relaxed after passing on the baton, she won’t retire as long as the urge to serve the needy keeps surging within.
Tenancy deposit protection is needed in India too
Most of the western countries provide legal requirement for a landlord to have Tenancy deposit protection agreement before he is renting any property..
This saves both landlord and tenant in case of disagreements and protect the property for landlord.How it works :
1. Before renting the property, Landlord and tenant both goes to bank and open a join rental account in bank which is jointly owned by landlord and tenant.
2. Rental agreement is documentary proof for this account.It says as well that When tenancy ends, deposit amount will be be returned to tenant's bank account automatically.
3. Tenant deposit the deposit money in this account from his/her bank.Tenant is also entitled for interest on the deposited money.
4. Every month tenant deposit rent in landlord's account (NOT in rental account).
As of Now Indian banks do not provide such 'rental accounts ; instead in India we have following :
- lease agreements with a minimum of 12 months
- lease and license agreements of up to 11 months (Preferred)
This saves both landlord and tenant in case of disagreements and protect the property for landlord.How it works :
1. Before renting the property, Landlord and tenant both goes to bank and open a join rental account in bank which is jointly owned by landlord and tenant.
2. Rental agreement is documentary proof for this account.It says as well that When tenancy ends, deposit amount will be be returned to tenant's bank account automatically.
3. Tenant deposit the deposit money in this account from his/her bank.Tenant is also entitled for interest on the deposited money.
4. Every month tenant deposit rent in landlord's account (NOT in rental account).
5. When tenancy ends both parties inform the bank and deposit are then released directly into the tenant’s bank account.Simple !
As of Now Indian banks do not provide such 'rental accounts ; instead in India we have following :
- lease agreements with a minimum of 12 months
- lease and license agreements of up to 11 months (Preferred)
Extra shadow in life to talk,share,care,enjoy,respect and have fun in the life..
Many times we read in Indian articles that patriarchal system is the main cause of increased divorce rate
in India and men alone for blamed for this.So I was thinking about it and so thought to list down the 'typical' reasons why a men wants to get out of marriage...
A modern educated man wants wife to :
1. Have a extra shadow in life to talk,share,care,enjoy,respect and have fun in the life. and/or
2. Have a extra earning partner so that life becomes more relax and luxurious. and/or
3. Take 'unquestioned' care of him and/or his parents. and/or
4. Take care of all the household chores(cooking,cleaning,planning...) that he doesn't wish to do by himself.
'typical' Indian men : gives priority to 2,3,4 in any order by 1 in in last.
( 'typical' European men : gives priority to 1 and rest 2,3,4 in any order.)
Based upon the above points, A modern men will go for divorce from his wife if she is unable to do point 2,3,4 or don't want to do them.
But what-if she does all 2,3,4 points well still husband wants divorce ? The reason is simple that either she is failed at point 1 or husband found another women who brings point.1 to husband's life....So in this case one thing is clear..Indian male who are highly educated or affluent or lives in non-Indian society tend to go for divorce for last reason because they acknowledge that earlier they selected the wife like a traditional Indian but now their modern instinct is prevailing and so wife 'obtained' with traditional Indian outlook does not suit them anymore.
One point which one can notice is that point 2,3,4 can be managed with time/money but point.1 is something that comes from upbringing and values that are developed over the years.So for a intelligent Indian women, it is extremely important to 'NOT TO IGNORE' the point.1.
Looking at my mom,grand-mom and grand-grand-mom ..... I analyzed that Indian women who are not very educated,beautiful and intelligent are managing their family without any hiccups are the one who knows how to support/encourage discussion,promote sharing , show caring nature , enhance enjoyment, give respect and bring fun in the family life in such a way that all the 3 points become less important.
Note : Incompatibility and infertility is not discussed.
in India and men alone for blamed for this.So I was thinking about it and so thought to list down the 'typical' reasons why a men wants to get out of marriage...
A modern educated man wants wife to :
1. Have a extra shadow in life to talk,share,care,enjoy,respect and have fun in the life. and/or
2. Have a extra earning partner so that life becomes more relax and luxurious. and/or
3. Take 'unquestioned' care of him and/or his parents. and/or
4. Take care of all the household chores(cooking,cleaning,planning...) that he doesn't wish to do by himself.
'typical' Indian men : gives priority to 2,3,4 in any order by 1 in in last.
( 'typical' European men : gives priority to 1 and rest 2,3,4 in any order.)
Based upon the above points, A modern men will go for divorce from his wife if she is unable to do point 2,3,4 or don't want to do them.
But what-if she does all 2,3,4 points well still husband wants divorce ? The reason is simple that either she is failed at point 1 or husband found another women who brings point.1 to husband's life....So in this case one thing is clear..Indian male who are highly educated or affluent or lives in non-Indian society tend to go for divorce for last reason because they acknowledge that earlier they selected the wife like a traditional Indian but now their modern instinct is prevailing and so wife 'obtained' with traditional Indian outlook does not suit them anymore.
One point which one can notice is that point 2,3,4 can be managed with time/money but point.1 is something that comes from upbringing and values that are developed over the years.So for a intelligent Indian women, it is extremely important to 'NOT TO IGNORE' the point.1.
Looking at my mom,grand-mom and grand-grand-mom ..... I analyzed that Indian women who are not very educated,beautiful and intelligent are managing their family without any hiccups are the one who knows how to support/encourage discussion,promote sharing , show caring nature , enhance enjoyment, give respect and bring fun in the family life in such a way that all the 3 points become less important.
Note : Incompatibility and infertility is not discussed.
Marriage - Personal Need or Social Desire ?
Sometimes we think about the our own life events and if something we can't understand then we ask questions from ourselves and expect that we get the answers for the same questions for which we don't have answers.... This happened with me when I read the following article on some website. I am copying it because I don't know how long they will keep in there :
If there is something Indian parents are more eager than getting their kids to clear IIT about, it is getting them married. The moment you enter your mid twenties, the whole world around you discovers a new found obsession to see you tying the knot. Why? Why is it that marriage has been made into the ultimate life goal? Here, we tell you why it’s perfectly fine if you never want to get married.
1. Marriage is just a label. If you want to be committed to someone, you don’t need a piece of paper telling you that. You can be as dedicated, committed and loving a partner as anyone else without getting married.
2. Contrary to what parents think, a marriage cannot guarantee a secure, lifelong relationship. What has to go wrong will go wrong. People who don’t want to stick around, won’t, either way. And people who truly love you will stay by your side without any declaration. You don’t need to get married to be sure your partner is never going to leave you.
3. It’s strange how some people will spend the rest of their lives with people they don’t even love, suffering every day, just because their parents got them married. It’s funny how a life of compromise is what they see as a solution to a failed marriage. It’s much better to be in a relationship that you can break out of if things don’t go well than hanging on to the wrong person.
4. We weren’t born to get married. It’s not as necessary as the Indian society makes it to be. Life is still going to be as good, even if you’re unmarried. Marriage is just an institution and you can choose not believe in it, like religion. There’s nothing wrong with not conforming to the idea of marriage if you don’t believe in it. As simple as that.
5. Not all relationships pass the test of time. If break ups weren’t hard enough already, things get unmanageably rough if the two partners are married! Divorces are messy. Always. Whether or not the separation is out of mutual consent. When two people decide to end a long term relationship that they’ve invested their soul and heart into, getting into legal hassles is the last thing they want to be involved in. And don’t even get us started on the alimony laws in the country!
6. Your twenties are the time when you finally get out of your shell and explore the many possibilities of life. It is perfectly normal to not want to get tied down by marriage. There is nothing more fulfilling than living life on your own terms and you shouldn’t exchange that for anything in the world!
7. An average Indian lives for 70 years. He is still not an adult till the age of 18. And, gets married by the age of 25. All he gets is 7 years, 7 out of 70 years of his life, to find a woman he loves. Most people never find ‘the one’ because they get married before they can even try! There’s no acceptable age to fall in love. Why can’t we be dating till we actually find someone worth settling down with?
8. Some people want a happily ‘married’ life, some have different priorities. It is perfectly okay to never want to have a wife back home, a house with kids. Some of us just want to be independent all our lives, living by ourselves, doing what we love, doing what we want.
9. We grow up seeing everyone getting married around us and assume it is a stage every man has to go through. But how many people who get married do so because they really want to? It just doesn’t make sense to rush into marrying just because everyone else is.
10. In India, you don’t just marry your partner, you marry their whole family. And truth be told, families are the reason why a married couple is always fighting. If one pair of parents isn’t enough, you get another one that loves getting involved in everything you do. It’s fair to not want so much baggage in a relationship. A relationship is always happier till there aren’t more people involved other than the two partners. And sadly, that’s just not possible in marriages.
11. There’s a lot that is terribly wrong with Indian marriages. The society won’t let you live in peace till you get married. Giving in looks like the solution, but it only makes things worse. Getting married is only the beginning. Once you’re married, a dozen more expectations will be set on you – to have children, to buy a bigger house, an even bigger car. The society will lay down all the rules for you on what is the purpose of a marriage, how an Indian couple behaves and what a successful marriage should mean. It’s really not worth it.
If there is something Indian parents are more eager than getting their kids to clear IIT about, it is getting them married. The moment you enter your mid twenties, the whole world around you discovers a new found obsession to see you tying the knot. Why? Why is it that marriage has been made into the ultimate life goal? Here, we tell you why it’s perfectly fine if you never want to get married.
1. Marriage is just a label. If you want to be committed to someone, you don’t need a piece of paper telling you that. You can be as dedicated, committed and loving a partner as anyone else without getting married.
2. Contrary to what parents think, a marriage cannot guarantee a secure, lifelong relationship. What has to go wrong will go wrong. People who don’t want to stick around, won’t, either way. And people who truly love you will stay by your side without any declaration. You don’t need to get married to be sure your partner is never going to leave you.
3. It’s strange how some people will spend the rest of their lives with people they don’t even love, suffering every day, just because their parents got them married. It’s funny how a life of compromise is what they see as a solution to a failed marriage. It’s much better to be in a relationship that you can break out of if things don’t go well than hanging on to the wrong person.
4. We weren’t born to get married. It’s not as necessary as the Indian society makes it to be. Life is still going to be as good, even if you’re unmarried. Marriage is just an institution and you can choose not believe in it, like religion. There’s nothing wrong with not conforming to the idea of marriage if you don’t believe in it. As simple as that.
5. Not all relationships pass the test of time. If break ups weren’t hard enough already, things get unmanageably rough if the two partners are married! Divorces are messy. Always. Whether or not the separation is out of mutual consent. When two people decide to end a long term relationship that they’ve invested their soul and heart into, getting into legal hassles is the last thing they want to be involved in. And don’t even get us started on the alimony laws in the country!
6. Your twenties are the time when you finally get out of your shell and explore the many possibilities of life. It is perfectly normal to not want to get tied down by marriage. There is nothing more fulfilling than living life on your own terms and you shouldn’t exchange that for anything in the world!
7. An average Indian lives for 70 years. He is still not an adult till the age of 18. And, gets married by the age of 25. All he gets is 7 years, 7 out of 70 years of his life, to find a woman he loves. Most people never find ‘the one’ because they get married before they can even try! There’s no acceptable age to fall in love. Why can’t we be dating till we actually find someone worth settling down with?
8. Some people want a happily ‘married’ life, some have different priorities. It is perfectly okay to never want to have a wife back home, a house with kids. Some of us just want to be independent all our lives, living by ourselves, doing what we love, doing what we want.
9. We grow up seeing everyone getting married around us and assume it is a stage every man has to go through. But how many people who get married do so because they really want to? It just doesn’t make sense to rush into marrying just because everyone else is.
10. In India, you don’t just marry your partner, you marry their whole family. And truth be told, families are the reason why a married couple is always fighting. If one pair of parents isn’t enough, you get another one that loves getting involved in everything you do. It’s fair to not want so much baggage in a relationship. A relationship is always happier till there aren’t more people involved other than the two partners. And sadly, that’s just not possible in marriages.
11. There’s a lot that is terribly wrong with Indian marriages. The society won’t let you live in peace till you get married. Giving in looks like the solution, but it only makes things worse. Getting married is only the beginning. Once you’re married, a dozen more expectations will be set on you – to have children, to buy a bigger house, an even bigger car. The society will lay down all the rules for you on what is the purpose of a marriage, how an Indian couple behaves and what a successful marriage should mean. It’s really not worth it.
My Kashmir Trip....Unforgettable experience
Agar zameen pe kahi jannat hai to yahi hai, yahi hai, yahin hai.....emperor JAHANGIR used these words to describe his feelings about Kashmir. I myself had the same feelings when I visited Kashmir for 5 days with my father from 30th August to 3rd September.Before I go further let me share my itinerary :
- Booked air tickets via yatra.com( they don't accept foreign cards)
- Booked the houseboat Young Bombay via booking.com
Day1 : Boarded Indigo morning flight from Delhi and arrived at Sheikh-ul-Aalam airport,Srinagar. Well received by the houseboat owner mr. Noor mohammad and directly driven to gate no. 9,Dal lake. There Mr. mohammad dropped the luggage and himself and asked us to continue for local sight seeing trip.He took our luggage to houseboat.We saw the
- Sankrasharya mandir ( Lord Shiva mandir , 300 mt above sea level )
- Pari Mahal ( laid out by Dara Shiko)
- Shalimar Gardens( laid out by Jehangir )
- Nishat Bagh
- Chashma Shah ( laid out by Shah Jehan)
and finished the day by evening tea at Zabarvan park(where we saw the hot air balloon) and live kashmiri music. Music was so enchanting that it captivated our heart for the whole life.
In evening taxi dropped us at the gate no. 9 , from there we took free shikara service to go to our houseboat -Young Bombay. At the houseboat we were formally welcomed by the house boat owner and his son and staff of houseboat.We tasted welcome drink- Kahwa(first time in life) and had general chit-chat about kashmir and houseboat life.
We ordered the Non-veg dinner and took some rest in the meantime in our room. Room was well maintained. Cleanness of bathroom took our attention as well.Bathroom had warm water facility,towels,toilet paper etc
After Dinner we stayed on outside terrace for a while to enjoy the night at dal lake. In the meantime we saw a barbecue shikara coming to our houseboat. Though we were full but just for taste, we ordered mutton and chicken kababs, It was delicious and unique experience in itself and stylist way to say - Good Night.
Day2 : In Morning , we had light breakfast-milk,omlate,toasts and poha( which was part of our houseboat package) and started for the Pahalgaon with our Taxi. On the way we saw Saffron fields and Avantipur Bat factory. I stopped at one point and enjoyed the white water rafting in Lidder river. Once w e reached the Pahalgam, we had to drop our taxi there and took another taxi for Betab valley and Aru Valley trip.
Day3 : After breakfast we again departed for full day excursion to the Sonmarg via Leh road Journey was beautiful as we enjoyed dense woodlands of firs and silver birches. Same as other parts our Taxi was allowed/(kindly forced) to drop at main Sonamarg and from there onwards we had 3 options :
- Walk up to Thajiwass
- Hire another taxi for 2-3 local places
- Hire ponies
I could have taken ponies but as my dad was bit reluctant to try it so we hired the taxi again. Here I want to say that local taxi guys have a syndicate and always try to exploit the tourists.Government rates are so different then waht they charge for.We hired the taxi in 3000 INR for 2-3 places( places were located in area of 15-km).
Thajiwass Glacier is the biggest attraction ( for somebody who has not seen it earlier) but fact is thatreal glacier is too far to go by taxis or ponies( forget walking to it) so these guys just fool you around.
- Walk up to Thajiwass
- Hire another taxi for 2-3 local places
- Hire ponies
I could have taken ponies but as my dad was bit reluctant to try it so we hired the taxi again. Here I want to say that local taxi guys have a syndicate and always try to exploit the tourists.Government rates are so different then waht they charge for.We hired the taxi in 3000 INR for 2-3 places( places were located in area of 15-km).
Thajiwass Glacier is the biggest attraction ( for somebody who has not seen it earlier) but fact is thatreal glacier is too far to go by taxis or ponies( forget walking to it) so these guys just fool you around.
Day4 : Gulmarg trip
Day5 : Local sightseeing and shopping
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